top ten Worst FILMS OF 2019
3 FROM HELL
To put it bluntly, 3 FROM HELL is a complete disappointment, and this is coming from a new Zombie fan. The Devil's Rejects is brilliant cinema and House of 1000 Corpses is a campy horror - this film… I'm not quite sure what it's trying to be. I enjoy Otis' psychotic attitude and tolerate Baby's, but what I really love about the series is Sid Haig's Captain Spaulding, and for his role to be reduced to a miniscule cameo before being written off for good… I just can't handle it. This was a film that should have pleased Zombie-heads out there, but honestly this film is a fine example of why a sequel should never be made 15 years after the originals release; you wind up with a stain on the series as a whole.
It's very apparent that Lionsgate wanted their Deadpool. An R-rated superhero film with plenty of irreverent gags that'll make tons of money just because it's an R-rated superhero movie. Well, it didn't work out. Hellboy bombed at the box office, got pulverized by critics, and is being forgotten by audience members. While I did have a fun time laughing at some of its inadequacies, I can't recommend Hellboy for anyone. Especially not fans of the terrific Del Toro ones. I'd give this one a hard pass and just wait for Avengers or go and see Shazam! again.
IO could have been something much more theatrical, possibly even having the film share a similar premise, but instead of abruptly concluding, the pair must take the journey by foot and spare oxygen along the way. It’s basic, but it’s a hundred times better than what the writer cooked up here. IO is dull, bland, and a missed opportunity for this relatively unknown crew behind the picture.
Things have certainly gone downhill for Marlon Wayans since the release of the original Scary Movie in 2000, as from there on he would release countless parody films with his family name that progressively got less and less funny. Now we see this throwback style of comedy coming back more and more often, including Wayans’ previous two outings capitalizing on an old trend. Wayans somehow still managed to hone in on a little more originality than his career defining parody films. Want to know if you should go back in time and watch this trainwreck? It's up to you, but if you truly want my advice, do yourself a favor and absolutely avoid this travesty of a comedy that Netflix should have never funded to begin with.
THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA
I really, really love horror when it’s done well and has something new to say. La Llorona sadly tries to ride the goodwill many viewers have towards James Wan’s masterful The Conjuring, and it does nothing but disappoint at every turn. If you like jump scares and mindless stories, you may find something to like here. Otherwise, let this one drown.
Jexi is extremely sloppy, incredibly predictable, and plays out more like a feature length SNL sketch that's overstayed its welcome than a film I’d have the desire to revisit anytime soon. Without Rose Byrne’s involvement, Jexi is a disastrous comedy that overextends itself beyond its expiration date.
RIM OF THE WORLD
Rim of the World comes a few months after the excellent teen adventure film, The Kid Who Would Be King and it may be a comparison for some people who have seen this newly released feature, since it follows a group of teens on an adventure to retrieve an item and bring it back to save the world from an invasion - a very similar premise. That doesn’t seem entirely fair for the filmmakers involved with Rim of the World, however the content provided within Rim of the World doesn’t know what type of audience it is trying it reach. With young teens not being able to comprehend a majority of the jokes, and adults, most of whom will likely just sulk at the film from beginning to end. The film’s demographic seems incredibly small and even for those it may be meant for, it will most likely not make the cut with all the equivalent content coming out these days on Netflix alone.
PLAYING WITH FIRE
Playing With Fire fits my definition of what makes a truly bad movie. It is the poster child for the absence of good. There is nothing too good for one to discover here. There are talented people in-front and behind the camera, but none of it came together to create anything of substance. It fails as a movie made for children and it fails as a movie in general. It’s a waste of time, space, and resources that it should be considered a crime against nature that this was funded over any meaningful charity out there. There are forest fires plaguing California now as we speak, so please instead of buying a ticket to this, maybe donate the $10 to a charity helping those affected by forest fires. You’ll get a more meaningful experience out of doing that than seeing this movie. Hell, you’ll get a more meaningful experience by actually playing with fire than watching Playing With Fire.
THE LAST LAUGH
An outstanding leading duo just couldn’t manage to create anything special with this poorly written screenplay and bland direction. What makes matters worse is the over dramatization of scenes and humor them seem “funnier” than they really are - erasing any chance of even an awkward laugh from the joke alone. If one thing is for certain, it’s that Netflix will be having The Last Laugh if you take time out of your day to watch this garbage disposal of potential.
I went into Wonder Park hardly knowing anything about the film. From its cast to its plot, I was blind beyond seeing an outdated trailer nearly a year before the film’s theatrical release. Now after witnessing the film alone in a dark theater with only my thoughts and no children to encourage me to enjoy the content more than I should of; with a clutter of wasted talent, annoying characterization, weak storytelling and an outrageous melding of plots that in no way blend together, I can say with confidence that Wonder Park is an absolute dud, apart from its subpar animation keeping the film afloat, the film otherwise flies off the rails and sinks into the lagoon of possibilities.